From: 奥修 OSHO- Don’t Bite My Finger, Look Where Im Pointing
[A sannyasin and her young son are present. She says: It’s very difficult for me — I feel he is very strong and I don’t feel strong at all. I don’t know what to do in certain situations.]
Osho：Let him be strong! Why should you be worried about his strength? It is good.
He has to be strong and the mother has to be soft. He has to be strong; only then can he grow into an individual. If he is soft and the mother is strong, he will be killed.
That’s what happens to many people: the mother is too strong and they are soft, or the mother would not allow them to be strong. Then they go on hanging around the mother for their whole life. Even if they are old and the mother is dead and gone they are still holding on to her apron strings; deep down they still psychologically depend on her.
Children have to be very strong, so help him to be strong. It will be difficult for you to manage because the stronger he is, the more trouble he will create for you; if he is weak, there is no trouble.
But one has to be strong in life: life creates trouble, life is risky, it is challenging. If he is dull and stale and just dead, he will sit in a corner and will not give you any inconvenience but then he is not alive!
If he is alive he will create many many problems for you. You have to face them. That’s what it means to be a mother: to face those problems. And by facing them you will also grow, by giving him freedom and strength you will also grow. Mother and child grow together.
Daya means compassion, and compassion is the highest flowering of love. In love a little bit of lust remains; love remains contaminated with the earth. Love has something of the sky in it and something of the earth in it. It is dual: its body belongs to the matter, its soul belongs to consciousness.
Compassion is pure soul, it is pure sky: it has no matter around it. It is the ultimate blooming of the flower. Even the flower disappears in it, only fragrance remains.
Shanti means silence, deva means god — god of silence. Help him to become as silent as possible. By being silent yourself, he will learn.
The child does not only depend on the mother for physical food, he depends on her in every way — for spiritual food also. So if you become silent, the child will follow it, he will learn it unknowingly; if you become meditative, he will become meditative.
Whenever parents come to me and they complain about their children, they are not aware of what they are doing, because my own observation is that if something is wrong with the child, it must have come from the parents. It is almost always so: ninety-nine percent of it comes from the parents; the smaller the child, the more is the percentage.
When the child becomes a little bigger and starts moving in society, then of course he learns from others too, but in the ultimate account, almost ninety percent always comes from the parents.
So whatsoever you want the child to become, be. Be silent, be compassionate, be loving, be joyous, and you will be surprised that just by your being that, the child starts imbibing those qualities. And this will be the greatest thing for him, if he can imbibe silence.